Friday, July 20, 2012

Jump Rope, Rollercoaster, Whatever you call it, it's no fun

What a fuckin week. Pardon my language, but I feel entitled to using it after this week. And the week's not even over yet!!! I still have to survive work today, AND tomorrow. Let's just jump right in, shall we?

Down: I stopped exercising. Where I was about to type "I have no idea why" I will fill in with this: I'm lazy and fat. It hurt. I got tired easily. Despite all of the positive effects I felt (increased energy, increased self esteem), I just stopped. And now I feel like a train wreck. I probably look like one too. I have no energy at all now, because I'm not creating energy. My husband doesn't understand why I'm tired at 8 o'clock when I don't have an extremely energy-heavy job (I'm a supervisor for a department store, I pretty much just walk around all day), but I don't have the gusto to tell him it's cuz I stopped exercising and started up with my old bad eating habits.

Up: The tomato plant I bought on Monday is still alive!! This is a small plus, as I tend to kill every plant I touch!!

Down: As mentioned above, I started with my bad eating habits again. I overeat at breakfast, which as filling as it is makes me sluggish for the day. My lunches have been coming later and later at work due to construction so I'll eat at say... 8 AM and not eat again until 2 or 3 PM. Sometimes 4 PM. Then I'll come home and eat dinner, which is protein heavy, around 6:30/7 and then be immediately tired.

Up: Construction at work is almost done! It **should** have been done yesterday but for whatever reason the construction guys were 24 hours behind schedule. But right now and since Monday we've had our check-out lines all messed up because they hadn't built the wait lines yet, so maybe today (since today is the 24 hour post-scheduled date) it will be done when I go in at 1. I can only hope that today we have a correct check out. The customers are driving me nuts!

Down: I feel so fat. With the stoppage of exercising and not looking at what I'm eating, I feel like a pig, I'm sure I've gained at least 5 or so pounds back, and I just can't find an inspiration to get back on it. I literally am throwing myself a pity party right now, tears and all, because I WANT to be in shape, but I can't BEAR how hard it is for me!! I know, it's hard for everyone, I know I'm not the only person who struggles with this, but what do I do when I have no hope for myself?

I'm so angry right now. I'm also not surprised my husband hasn't set up the boxing stand we bought him for his birthday (which was the end of June). So of course I'm a little upset my that too. I want to punch something. Maybe I'll send him a message to get that set up today, and then I can beat something when I get home.

Ain't gonna waste my hate
Ain't gonna waste my hate on you
I think I'll keep it for myself
Ain't gonna give no more
Ain't got the time to help you score
I think it's time you pleased yourself
-"Wasting My Hate", Metallica


  1. Julie....sending you love, support and hugs!!

    Yippee for the tomato!

    I know how frustrating it can be. I know you mentioned before, you wish you could find something both you and your husband could do together. Have you thought of something yet? For me, the difference came when I wanted to start running any my husband decided to do it with me. I never realized before what difference that support would make. What about finding someone close in your neighbourhood you could meet up with for a walk? If someone is waiting on the sidewalk at 8pm, there is a better chance you will get out there!

    Keep it up, don't give up on will there anyway I can support you from afar?

  2. Amy, you are wonderful! Let me just start with that.

    I think maybe I just need to grin and bear it. I think I'll get out tonight and begin.

    As far as neighborhood support goes... I live next door to a church on my left, a golf course across the street, and a 90-something year old couple on my right... most of our neighborhood is retired, and even after 3 years we haven't exchanged more than friendly nods.

    I do appreciate your offer for far-away support. Maybe exchanging emails would help too? My email addy is