Friday, January 25, 2013

I need motivation to have some motivation..

Does that make sense? It's like I'm blah all the time. I really WANT to eat right, WANT to hit the gym 3-5 times a week, WANT to improve my kneepain with weight loss.... but where are these weeks going? I have no idea how it went from my post on January 2nd to being the 25th. What. The. Fuck.

Well, looking back at the first month of the new year, I can say my resolutions were not so held up. I think I have floated in my weight loss but am still around 215/217ish. Possibly 220. I only weigh myself once a week and have yet to do it this week.

I'm trying to establish new habits, but with my non-conformist work schedule where week-to-week my hours change, I have no real way to establish a good habit. Sure, 40 hours is 40 hours no matter what days or time blocks you put them in, but then there's John's schedule, homework, my one campus class, and yes, I realize now that looks like a list of excuses. Maybe it is. I'm just too tired right now to evaluate my mental status.

Here's the deal. I need to establish a couple of new habits. I love to be at the gym. I don't care that people might look at me and whisper or whathaveyou, I'm used to that by now. I just need to MAKE, not find, but MAKE time to get there. With a steam room and big cushy showers that I can crank up as high as I want for as long as I want, what's not to be enticed to go?!?!
--Good habit to establish: Make time for the gym

I need to start eating better. These closing shifts suck at work because I AM hungry when I get home. On a normal 2-10 shift, I eat somewhere between 5-6:30. But I'm busting my butt trying to get the department cleaned up so that when I make it home between 9:45-10:15 I am hungry. Not starving, no, but hungry. And so I'll grab some leftovers from whatever John cooked, or I'll rummage and forage for something, but none of that is good for me, not THAT late at night.
--So, good habit to establish: find something light and healthy to eat before bed

Well, I really can't think of the other habits I had in mind, so I think I might just end this. I think one thing I've had tossing in my brain lately is to post some good recipes on here. Maybe I'll start a brand new blog for that? I'd like to go through my recipes and learn some substitutions that are healthier and then try them out. Like the substitutions for fats and oils and sugars.... lessen the calories without sacrificing the taste. I'll look into that.... maybe if I can establish a good schedule-making process and can make some personal time for that.I do love to cook. :)

Anyway, my snoring husband is a good indicator I should be in bed. Especially since I have to work tomorrow and he doesn't. He's sick :( My poor sicky-poo hubbycakes. This song is dedicated to him... always makes me think of him <3

....Because maybe, you're gonna be the one to save me.... and after all, you're my wonderwall.....

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Hurry, Hobbitses, Hurry!

Just a video update today. This song is my uplifter right now. :)

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Just some notes that have been rolling around in my head..

Okay, well, here it goes:

-Got a new laptop, thanks to my AWESOME husband. It has Windows 8 and so I'm not too familiar with it yet, but as time goes on I will learn more. I have been doing things without knowing (like zooming in a page without knowing how I did it or how to undo it!) and little by little I will get this under control.

I have some commentary I'd like to get out there. But first, I want to preemptively apologize to the person who inspired this commentary, as she is not being targeted per say, I just don't want her to take this as a personal attack, seeing as how I include some text about kids in there. But I don't have kids. Not that I'm even eventually planning on them. We all know how I feel about kids:

Yup. Pretty much That. ---^

Anyway, to begin. (Sorry ahead of time, you know who you are!)

Why am I fat?
There are a plethora of reasons. But mostly, I just didn't eat right, exercise enough, and take care of myself. End of story. No one else to blame.
I started getting heavy in middle school, right about when my parents had separated and were in the process of a divorce. I ate all the junk food, didn't go outside and play (not that I had many friends to play with anyway...), and instead binged of junk food and read books. Yup, that was me.

Anyway, now here I am. 26 and weighing in at around 210lbs. That's fat. That might even be considered obese, although I am afraid to go and check. Don't make me.

Anyway, I'm taking steps to improve this. I'm starting to eat right, exercise, and really take care of myself. But what if I didn't? What if I decided to continue on my way, and just eat whatever, sat on my ass, and cried into my ice cream?

-risks of plenty of overweight-related disease would continue to climb as I got older and put on more weight
-my self-esteem would continue to dwindle and eventually disappear, which could lead to depression and possibly suicide, or at least an attempt
-my husband and I would suffer in our relationship; I just know this for a fact. Not all relationships would though, it just depends on the individuals.

So anyway, here's my arguments for myself. I'm including the arguments as if I had children, because I was once a child with a mother who actually had an eating disorder. Can I call it that if all she did was smoke cigarettes, drink coffee, and pop pills? Whatever.

Dear Jules,
Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? Get off that couch! Turn off the TV, the computer, your Kindle, and GO OUTSIDE! If not for yourself, do it for the kids! What are they seeing? What are they eating? They're eating the same thing as you, and although as kids their metabolism is still strong and fast, it will slow down! And then what? You'll have overweight kids too. They eat what you eat. They will become you. Do you like the you that you are now? No? Then change! No more excuse! Dump that ice cream! Put away those chips! Go hit the trails for at least 30min a day! What do you have to lose? Besides years off your life if you continue down this road.

In this Contemporary Social Issues class I'm taking, it's hard not to look at myself and compare myself with my classmates. I think I might actually be the heaviest woman in class. And that hurts. Why can't I be a supermodel? If I had a time machine, I would go back in time to when I was 13 and slap those bowls of ice cream out of my hands and kick my ass out of that door. But I don't have a magical time machine. I have to work hard, and slowly, to undo the damage. But I will thank myself. And hey, if I ever have kids, I might be thankful I've made the changes now. There's nothing more that I would want than an Olympic Athlete for a child. I don't even care if it's in a stupid sport like the Shotput!

End rant. I'm going to bed.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

It's 2013. Big deal, right?

Greetings those of us who survived the end of the Mayan calendar! Did you go out and get your calendar on clearance on Dec 22nd?? I sure did!!

It is now 2013, the Skynet computers have been aware for about 5 months now... and we, as a human race, are still alive for the moment. That's a positive.

For New Year's Eve I got drunk. Like, SUPER-drunk. Could hardly walk, didn't really speak English anymore, slept-in-my-jeans DRUNK. Can't say I will ever do that again. It wasn't exactly fun. I rang in the new year, but barely, and had no real sense of time. Plus, I was so drunk I couldn't even see the TV to watch the ball drop. Oh well, there's always next year.

Now on to my resolutions. Well, there's my "normals" : get healthy, lose weight, etc. But there's also my "real ones", ones that are attainable more easily than losing weight. I'd like to go diving more. Yes, I understand it's expensive, but I feel as though I owe it to myself to enjoy life more, and I'd like to do it looking up at the ocean's surface from 60'+ below. :-)

I am preparing to start a new diet, and a new exercise routine. Yes, I will still do zumba, as it is fun and calorie-torching awesome, but I'd also like to tone and lose inches in specific areas.

I re-read The Biggest Loser Fitness Program: Fast, Safe, and Effective Workouts to Target and Tone Your Trouble Spots.
Not only does it teach you workouts and the safe ways to do them, but it also teaches you about their 4-3-2-1 pyramid, and recommends a weekly schedule to fit in your exercise. I am going to try it, After all, how can I deny this program when those who have done it on the TV show alone have lost thousands of combined pounds?!?

I'm not setting myself up with unrealistic expectations. I do not expect to conform to this diet and exercise program 100% right out of the gate. In fact, the food portion will be harder because it does require quite a bit of change from what my normal diet is now. But, I have a goal set to be 80% compliant by the end of January. That's pretty much easing into it for me.

Now, on for the hard part. Courtesy of my awesome bestie Amy, I have a shirt in which I will take recurring pictures of myself to track the inches. I just hope it shows. So, here we go:

January 2, 2013:

(PS- I have no idea WHY it looks like I have a wedgie in the back-side one, but I DON'T! I promise!) LOL

Okay, now that the embarrassment is over... Let me just say that I have high hopes for myself. I have never truly wanted to lose weight until about June/July of last year, when I realized I was doomed to blow up like most of my family if I kept going the way I was. And now, I am not expecting to go from a size 20 to a 2, I'd be happy with a 14/12, as long as my BMI and overall health is good.

I think I can do it, and I hope my husband sees the results and wants in too. It would be awesome if we could find a common ground, run a 5k together, and extend the years to our lives. I'd like 50-70 years with him, not 30-40.

That's all. Let me leave you with the song that I apparently was singing ALL. NIGHT. on New Year's Eve. It's catchy!