Sunday Night Musings

So, it has been a week or so since my last post. Friday was not a day of triumph for me, in fact it was quite the opposite. Murphy smacked me hard with his law and everything in my life seemed to have gone wrong that day. I spent the majority of it crying. Not just crying, but sobbing. And then of course my inner critic came by for a visit to kick me while I was down, and it was just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!

But, the weekend has progressed. It is Sunday night, today was my day off, and I go back in to work at 7AM tomorrow morning.

I made a delicious dinner tonight. My first since I dropped John off at the airport on Thursday (He's gone until the 5th!). I had a fillet of tilapia, some sauteed spinach, and a veggie-stuffed green pepper. Lots of veggies (probably three servings!) and some good proteins to boot. For having to make dinner alone, and do the clean-up, and the dishes, and the putting away of ingredients and leftovers, I must say I am still a fan of eating at home rather than eating out. I can have seconds, I can have less spinach and more fish if I want, and best of all, I know where my food came from!

Last night I met up with some gym bunny friends and my Zumba instructor, Johnny, to celebrate his birthday. The rest of the gang went off dancing at a Latin club afterwards, but I was so tired having worked that morning that I just came home and passed out. It was a nice time. One of the girls there is an instructor where my mother-in-law goes (a cardio club) and she is super sweet. I imagine we could be friends if I had time to make and maintain a friendship. I ordered a chicken cesar salad, and felt ashamed when I looked up and everyone else who ordered a salad stopped halfway through their bowl and was "stuffed". Being the biggest at the table, I know I should not feel guilty for finishing a fucking entree salad, but I did. So, I didn't finish it. I left 5 or 6 bites on it, and watched it get taken away to be thrown away. \sigh

This morning Julie and I went to breakfast, and we had omelettes and then ran around to Target and some other stores. We always have a nice time, and I don't feel like "the wife" when I'm with her (like some in-laws make their child's spouse feel). We had fun, we laughed, we tried weird clothes on (well I did because with her I have no shame!). We also stopped in to Planet Fitness, to look and see if that gym would be a good fit for us. Julie is tired of only going to a few zumba classes a week at her cardio club, and I feel like the gym I go to is catered to juicers and cliques of girls in yoga pants. When I go to use the free weights I feel the neckless 'roiders staring down at me, and when I try a new class I feel like the group of girls who suck up to the instructor are whispering about me as I walk by to find a spot in the back. With Planet Fitness, they are big on being a "JUDGEMENT FREE ZONE" and even have a working "Lunk Alarm" when people are being mindless lift machines. It has a ton of treadmills, ellipticals, arc trainers, and bikes, plus machines and even a small free weight area, free of huge weights and deadlift machines. We are considering joining. Julie has already put in her notice at her club, and tomorrow I go in to cancel my current membership. Overall, it was a good day. I came home and buckled down, got some homework done, and then made dinner, and a cup of coffee afterwards. Now, I should be getting back to homework, but I just felt like sharing my normal day with you two or three people who read this.

Oh, and if you haven't already.... find me on Instagram!

My username is PinkElbows!!

Weekly Motivational #6

TGIF!

What a week. Back to school routine has gotten off to a rough start, and my work schedule, as nice as it's been, is now a full-time schedule and closing me in on 40 hours every week. I am glad to have the full-time benefits and pay (no pay increase, Thanks Obama!), but of course that does mean I actually have to show up 5 days a week instead of 4, and work full days instead of the 4 hour shifts I once got. I'm thankful to have a job, anyway.

There is lots of excitement going on next month, so I am preparing myself mentally for it this month. As you might have read from my July/August Road Trip Update, I am so far behind in the challenge that I need to make about 5 miles per day in September and October just to complete this and make it to the finish line! I am not one to quit, nor am I one to give up, so I will bust my ass any way I can to do this. Although it is not life or death, I tend to dramatize things and think that this is that type of situation, and this "time crunch" I feel just might be what I need to get my ass in gear to complete this.

And so, on to the weekly motivational. This week, I had a lot to learn about communication. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a talker, and do so loudly, proudly, and with lots of hand gestures. It occurred to me that in the interest of my sanity, my health, my marriage, and my life in general, that it may be time to shut up more often to truly listen to the world around me. I might be gabbing away and miss an important opportunity in my life, or I might mishear something that just may be crucial to understanding the person I am talking to, or maybe something truly beautiful is happening and I'm too busy talking to be an observer in the event.

So I ask you, how often do you stop talking and truly listen? Maybe not listening to words, but tone of voice, emotions, maybe just standing outside and listening to the sounds all around you? You might miss some beautiful sounds. Hearing my nephew's laughter tonight made my heart ache with how little I see him and how fast he's growing.

To make my point, I could be talking out loud to myself right now as I type this, which is something I do (I have a lot on my mind and talking out loud gets it off my chest even if John's not around to hear it!) Instead, I am quiet. I am listening to the clicks of my fingers on the keyboard. I am a fast, although not perfect typist. I am listening to the fan do its weird clicky thing, and now have another item for my Sunday honey-do list: dust the fan!

But, the most beautiful sound of all right now, is the sound of my car purring away next to me. And it's not a soft, pretty, purr; No, Patrice purrs so intensely it sounds like he is trying to start a lawnmower! And it is the most perfect sound I could hear right now. It means I am a good caretaker, that he loves me, and this sound can make even my darkest day a little brighter. When my grandmother passed away in December, Patrice was there to comfort me the only way he knew how. He laid on my chest, buried his head under my chin into my neck, and purred that heavy, deep purr until I had no more cry left in me. It was therapy. Patrice knows what I need, when I need it. Damn I love this cat!