I think I had a revelation like that over this past weekend. I have, for so long, been hiding behind time as an excuse for EVERYTHING, that I think it is finally working against me now. Time, that is.
"I work too many hours."
"I go to school AND work. I never have time for anything else."
"When I have a day off I have house-chores to do!"
"I don't get hardly any ME time, so my days off are for that!"
"There just isn't TIME to go to the gym!"
"I worked a long day YESTERDAY..... TODAY I am tired!"
.... I think I contradict myself many times, but the message is always the same: I'm not making the time because my priorities are not in line with what I think they are. I feel that fitness is a very high priority for me. But in reality... it's near the bottom. Food habits and determination to eat better seems like it's high on my list, but yet I have found myself reaching for the snack-sized Milky Ways in the pantry instead of the arm-length carrots.
And of course, week after week, I feel like a failure and a slob. I know what I did wrong, but yet I don't take responsibility for it. What the hell is wrong with me?
This Carl Jung quote hit home with me. I am lonely. I feel lonely. And it's because I have managed to push most of my friends away, or they have themselves moved on with the passing of time. Don't get me wrong. I love my besties to death, and in an instant I would drop what I am doing to help them with whatever they need.... but I am lonely in my day-to-day life. My besties are miles, and countries away. They do not call me at 5:15am to go running. They do not run on the treadmill next to me at the gym. They do not help me cook dinner and sit and eat a proper meal with me. Do you see what I am getting at? I am standing in a room full of people who love me and whom I love, and I'm screaming, yet I am not heard.
This feels less like a motivational post and is reading more like a pity party. For that I am sorry. My motivation this week is to curb the loneliness. Ask for the attention I want. Plead for the support I need. I am worthy of it all, and so are each one of my friends and loved ones. This week, I will not sit idly by and watch the world spin, I will go out and help make it spin faster and the sun burn brighter.