Thursday, August 2, 2012

Hunger Pains

This week has been pretty bad on my new lifestyle. The company I work for thinks that because all of our business is on Fri, Sat, and Sun, that we should have very little coverage Mon through Thur just due to the trend of retail shopping.
What my company doesn't understand is that next Wednesday the kids go back to school, and we are a very large provider of school uniforms in the Ft Myers area. So, we actually ARE busy during the week. So much so that 3 cashiers during the day and 1 at night are NOT working. As a supervisor, most days I'm stuck on the register instead of actually being able to do my job, which includes interacting with the customers in line and making sure they're even in the right line!!

Tuesday and Wednesday were the worst so far, with me having to pull back-up cashiers from the sales floor and even my manager running a register!! (That NEVER happens!!) Something happened to me on Tuesday I think, because my body kind of went numb and shut down on me.

Not like stroke numb or anything... But I no longer really FELT anything. My emotions were in turmoil, I was star-crossed between pissed off and sobbing uncontrollably; I had been on my feet all day and up the stairs no less than 20 times, which my orthopedic doctor said I should NOT be doing. I realized when I got home that I just wasn't hungry. I was hungry at breakfast, with my boring cereal. At lunch I guess I had some hunger because I managed to finish John's steak I'd brought with me.

But on my way home, after thinking about it, I wasn't hungry anymore. I had lunch around..... 2:00pm on Tuesday, and by 6:30 when I got home, I should have been hungry... but I wasn't. My husband forced me to eat a grilled cheese sammich because he was afraid I will make myself sick or something if I don't eat. But how can I eat when I have no hunger?

Same thing happened yesterday. I actually didn't feel hungry for breakfast, so I managed a bagel at least, knowing that I should have a hunger and that if I don't keep the routine it's possible I might stress myself into anorexia. Let me tell you, Ana and Mia are no friends of mine (anorexia and bulimia).

Around lunch I forgot to pack one for myself, so I ran to the gas station to get gas and find something to eat, because I knew it was "that time" to eat. I managed to find the un-healthiest thing in there and had that, a Pepsi and some chocolaty chex mix! I know I recorded a cup of the mix, but I'm betting it was closer to a half-cup... because I had that and I felt as if I'd just tucked in for a large buffet! I was "stuffed"!

My friend Terry says my body is just sort of shutting down as it responds to the stress of my week. After all, this is the first real time I've been stressed the way I have been in the past, and come to think of it, my body responded the same way.

I know I should feel hungry, like when I wake up after 8 hours of sleep, or after working for 4 hours and burning off the breakfast calories.... but I'm just not hungry. And when I do eat, it's a struggle. This morning I lost probably about half of my cereal... I ate the bowl and again felt like I'd eaten my way through a buffet, and I got immediately sick.

If this continues on into next week I will make an appointment with my doctor. I can't NOT eat obviously, and I hate feeling like I'm void of emotions and hunger pains. I have felt pretty numb most of the time this week, save for the times with my husband. But I still have no hunger pains!

I can only hope today will be somewhat easier. We tend to be better staffed on Thursday, though not quite as high-staffed as on the weekends, but more staffed than the earlier part of the week. We'll see.

Today's lyrics are oddly fitting. My brain just started singing this song...

I don't mind stealing bread from the mouths of decadence
But I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled
But it's on the table
The fire is cooking and they're farming babies, while the slaves are working
The blood is on the table and their mouths are chocking
But I'm growing hungry
-"Hunger Strike" Temple of the Dog

1 comment:

  1. Julie,

    I understand that! When I was stressed at work, I had very little desire for food. You know what I did? I just went with it! No point in making myself sick over food! The hunger will return and you will make up for it. Just make sure you pack something high in protein if you do feel like snacking. Cheese, yogurt, etc. Maybe even have a couple slices of cheese in the morning.